Blended Quotes

Mfana: Look children, the bush pig has lost his parents so it is been cared for by mama and papa lion. Even in nature, there are blended families.
Jim: That's nice. That's sweet.
[Shortly there was a mixture of roaring, crunching, and pig squeals as the lions were eating the bush pig off screen. Espn was screaming and everyone was shocked about what

they saw]
Mfana: I may have misread that situation.

Mfana: Mr. Bellyflopolis, the crocodiles are fake!
[Jim looks at the fake crocodiles around him in the water]
Jim: They're fake?
Mfana: Yes, they're fake!
Jim: Why would you make them look so realistic?
Mfana: Well, to scare the baboons away.
Jim: You just

scared a zebra stripe into my underwear!

Jim: You know what, Hooters is to good for you. I'll never bring you there again
Lauren: Oh well then I guess I'll have to get through life without Hooters
Jim: You've been doing a pretty damn good job so far
Lauren: [looks at her breasts] That doesn't make any sense
Jim: [points at

Lauren's breasts] No they... I didn't realize they were that big

Hilary: Hey, dad, I have a personal errand to run and I need to borrow the car.
Jim: Well, you can't drive without me yet and somebody's got to stay here with your sisters.
Hilary: Dad, I have a personal errand.
Jim: What does that even mean? You taking a hit out on somebody?
Lou: Dad,

she's monsterating.
Jim: What?
Hilary: I have my period!
Jim: Oh, I forgot you get those.

Baseball Dad: [after Lauren's son strikes out for the third time at the ball game] Maybe you should try badminton.
Lauren: Maybe you should try mouthwash!
Jen: And deodorant!
Lauren: And some testosterone supplement!
Jen: And some Cialis... I'm just assuming!
Baseball

Dad: And shave your neck! It's very hairy.

Lauren: Did you just use use the L word with Dick?
Jen: We said it last night.
Lauren: Jen! That's great Why didn't you tell me?
Jen: Well, you finally had a date and it was so awful. I didn't want to make you feel lonelier than you probably already feel.
Lauren: I'm fine actually and

I'm not lonely. I have two wonderful men in my life: Brendan and Tyler.
Jen: Brendan needs a girlfriend and Tyler needs Ritalin.