A citizen of America will cross the ocean to fight for democracy, but won't cross the street to vote in a national election.
Suburbia is where the developer bulldozes out the trees, then names the streets after them.
A real patriot is the fellow who gets a parking ticket and rejoices that the system works.
Money won't buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a large research staff to study the problem.
We hope that, when the insects take over the world, they will remember with gratitude how we took them along on all our picnics.
If there is anything the nonconformist hates worse than a conformist, it's another nonconformist who doesn't conform to the prevailing standard of nonconformity.
In the game of life, it's a good idea to have a few early losses, which relieves you of the pressure of trying to maintain an undefeated season.
The tax collector must love poor people, he's creating so many of them.
An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves.
By the time you're eighty years old you've learned everything. You only have to remember it.
Muscles come and go; flab lasts.
People learn something every day, and a lot of times it's that what they learned the day before was wrong.
Youth is when you're allowed to stay up late on New Year's Eve. Middle age is when you're forced to.
The wonderful world of home appliances now makes it possible to cook indoors with charcoal and outdoors with gas.
Economists report that a college education adds many thousands of dollars to a man's lifetime income - which he then spends sending his son to college.
The whale is endangered, while the ant continues to do just fine.
The Vice-Presidency is sort of like the last cookie on the plate. Everybody insists he won't take it, but somebody always does.
It would be nice if the poor were to get even half of the money that is spent in studying them.
I'm an actor. And I guess I've done so many movies I've achieved some high visibility. But a star? I guess I still think of myself as kind of a worker ant.
Now that women are jockeys, baseball umpires, atomic scientists, and business executives, maybe someday they can master parallel parking.
