Baywatch Quotes

Victoria Leeds: Time to die, boys.
Mitch Buchannon: No! I was born of the sea. I eat fire coral and I piss salt water. I scratch my back with a whale's dick, and I loofah my chest with his ballsack.
Victoria Leeds: What the fuck?
Mitch Buchannon: I'll die when the tide stops and the moon drowns. Until then...

I'm oceanic, motherfucker.
Victoria Leeds: How tacky.

Victoria Leeds: Such accusations! I'm not a Bond villain. Well...
[considers]
Victoria Leeds: yet! You're in politics. You know that no one can claw their way to the top without getting a little dirt under their fingernails. Clearly I overestimated you. But calling me a drug dealer! I'm... so much bigger than that, you know.
Councilman

Rodriguez: I...
Victoria Leeds: Leon, teach him some manners.
[puts on sunglasses]
Victoria Leeds: Have fun, boys.
[leaves]
Councilman Rodriguez: I agree with...
[stammers]
Councilman Rodriguez: I overstepped!
[professional killer Leon takes off his coat, he has a

gun]
Councilman Rodriguez: I overstepped, Victoria!
[to the two thugs:]
Councilman Rodriguez: Guys, we can talk about this.
Frankie: Leon doesn't talk. He's a man of action. There's a purity to that.
Leon: [snarling at Rodriguez] I'm gonna kill you!
Frankie: Damn it! You

do that every time. I build you up, and then you ruin the mystique.

Mitch Buchannon: My gut says there's some bad shit going on over there, and my balls say we need to go over there and check it out.
Matt Brody: Your balls said that?
Mitch Buchannon: Yes, they did.
Matt Brody: Okay, my balls say
[in a high-pitched voice]
Matt Brody: "just take it

easy right here. Just chill."
Mitch Buchannon: Why the fuck do your balls sound like three-year-old girls?
Matt Brody: I don't know, man. That's just how they talk. But they're wise.

[final scene]
Mitch Buchannon: Uh, guys, after finding the drugs, helping save Chen and helping me blow up the bad girl with a Roman candle, it's a pleasure to say you are officially no longer trainees.
CJ Parker: Whoo!
[everyone applauds]
Mitch Buchannon: Congratulations!
CJ Parker: Yeah, guys.

Mitch Buchannon: Hey, guys, one more important thing. I want to introduce you to our new captain who has been running our Hawaii division very successfully for years now: the amazing Captain Casey Jean.
[Casey Jean appears in slow motion. Matt and Ronnie are stunned]
Ronnie Greenbaum: Is it just me, or is she in...
Stephanie

Holden: *Super* slow motion?
Summer Quinn: Yeah.
CJ Parker: [dryly] Wow. This is gonna take a while.
Mitch Buchannon: [winks] That's how we roll.