[Tony tries to lift the Mjölnir]
Tony Stark: Alright so if I lift it then I rule Asgard?
Thor: Yes, of course.
Tony Stark: I will be reinstituting prima nota.
Steve Rogers: But if you put the hammer in an elevator?
Tony Stark: It'll still go up.
Steve Rogers: Elevator's not worthy.
Ultron: [singing] I once had strings, but now I'm free... There are no strings on me!
Ultron: [to the Avengers] I know you're good people. I know you mean well. But you just didn't think it through. There is only one path to peace... your extinction.
Maria Hill: All set up boss.
Tony Stark: Actually he's the boss.
[points to Captain America]
Tony Stark: I just pay for everything and design everything, make everyone look cooler.
Steve Rogers: [relieved] Fury, you son of a bitch!
Nick Fury: Whoa ho ho! You kiss your mother with that mouth?
[repeated line]
Pietro Maximoff: You didn't see that coming?
Iron Man: [Entering a room full of Hydra soldiers] Guys, stop. We gotta talk this through.
[Shoots all the Hydra men non-fatally with tiny guided missiles]
Iron Man: It was a good talk.
Fortress Soldier: No, it wasn't!
Steve Rogers: You get hurt, hurt 'em back. You get killed... walk it off.
Hawkeye: The city is flying and we're fighting an army of robots. And I have a bow and arrow. Nothing makes sense.
Iron Man: Shit!
Captain America: Language!
Pietro Maximoff: [speeding off with Wanda] Keep up, old man!
Hawkeye: [Draws his bow and points it at Pietro's back] Nobody would know. Nobody. "The last I saw him, Ultron was sitting on him. Uh... yeah, he'll be missed. That quick little bastard. I miss him already..."
[Jogs after them]
[post credits scene]
Thanos: Fine, I'll do it myself.
[after fighting off Ultron drones]
Thor: IS THAT THE BEST YOU CAN DO?
[Ultron laughs, and summons more drones]
Steve Rogers: You had to ask...
Ultron: [With his arms outstretched] THIS is the best I can do. This is what I've been waiting for. All of you against all of me!
[Battle ensues]
Thor: The girl tried to warp my brain! Take special care, I doubt if humans can keep her at bay! Fortunately, I am mighty...
[enters a vision]
Hawkeye: [to Wanda] Doesn't matter what you did, or what you were. If you go out there, you fight, and you fight to kill. Stay in here, you're good, I'll send your brother to come find you. But if you step out that door, you are an Avenger.
[Rhodey and Stark use their armored hands to TRY to budge Thor's hammer]
James Rhodes: Are we even pulling?
Tony Stark: Are you on my team?
James Rhodes: Just represent! PULL!
