Austin Powers in Goldmember
Austin Powers in Goldmember

Nigel Powers: There are only two things I can't stand in this world: People who are intolerant of other people's cultures, and the Dutch.

Austin Powers in Goldmember
Austin Powers in Goldmember

Japanese Man 1: RUN! IT'S GODZILLA!
Japanese Man 2: It looks like Godzilla, but due to international copyright laws - it's not.
Japanese Man 1: STILL, WE SHOULD RUN LIKE IT IS GODZILLA!
Japanese Man 2: [looks to the camera] Though it isn't.
[both scream and run away]

Austin Powers in Goldmember
Austin Powers in Goldmember

Dr. Evil: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to my submarine lair. It's long, hard and full of seamen!
[laughs, then notices he isn't getting any laughs from his submarine crew]
Dr. Evil: No? Nothing? Not even a titter? Tough sub...

Austin Powers in Goldmember
Austin Powers in Goldmember

Austin Powers: Your spy car's a Mini?
Nigel Powers: It's not the size mate, it's how you use it.

Austin Powers in Goldmember
Austin Powers in Goldmember

Fook Mi: [runs to Austin] Austin Powers! You're so great and so sexy!
Austin Powers: Thanks, baby! Now what's your name?
Fook Mi: Fook Mi!
Austin Powers: Can you kiss your mother with that mouth?
Fook Mi: No! Fook Mi! Like this!
[turns away so Austin can see Fook Mi written on

her bag]
Austin Powers: Oh! Your name's Fook Mi!
Fook Mi: Would you like a drink?
[runs away to get drink]
Austin Powers: Actually I have a private bar...
[Fook Mi's twin sister, Fook Yu arrives]
Fook Yu: Here you go!
[gives him drink]
Austin Powers:

[thinking she's Fook Mi] Fook Mi, that was fast!
Fook Yu: Fook Yu!

Austin Powers in Goldmember
Austin Powers in Goldmember

Goldmember: Dr. Evil, we still have the ultimate insurance policy. May I present to you, the very sexual, the very toite, Austin Power's fahza.
Dr. Evil: His what?
Number 2: His fahza, Dr. Evil.
Dr. Evil: His farger? What's a farger?
Goldmember: His fahza. You know, the fahza.

Dr. Evil: You know Goldmember, I don't speak freaky-deaky Dutch. Okay, perv boy?
Goldmember: Fahza, his dad, dad is fahza.
Dr. Evil: Oh, his dad. His *fa-ther*

Austin Powers in Goldmember
Austin Powers in Goldmember

Goldmember: Would you like a shmoke und a pancake?
Austin Powers: A what?
Goldmember: A shmoke und a pancake. You know, a flapjack und a shigarette? No? Shigar und a waffle? No? Pipe und a crepe? No? Bong und a blintz? No? Well, then there ish no pleashing you.
Austin Powers: That's not right...

Austin Powers in Goldmember
Austin Powers in Goldmember

Austin Powers: Nice to mole you... meet you. Nice to meet you, Mole.
[to Foxxy as Basil & The Mole leave]
Austin Powers: Don't say mole.
Foxxy Cleopatra: Now stop.
Austin Powers: I said mole.
Foxxy Cleopatra: Stop.
[Basil gestures him to hush]
Number

Three: Bye.
Austin Powers: Mole.
[Basil & the Mole try again to leave]
Austin Powers: Mole.
[Basil warns him again to hush]
Austin Powers: Mole.
Basil Exposition: Oh, shut up!
Austin Powers: [Basil and The Mole walk out and Austin lets loose] Moley, moley,

moley, moley, moley!

Austin Powers in Goldmember
Austin Powers in Goldmember

Scott Evil: [to Dr. Evil] I hate you.
[to Austin]
Scott Evil: I hate you.
[to Foxxy]
Scott Evil: I don't even know you but I hate you too.
[to Mini-Me]
Scott Evil: And I ESPECIALLY hate you.
[to everyone]
Scott Evil: You'll pay. YOU'LL ALL PAY!
[Scott

runs away]
Dr. Evil: I'd just like to point out that no one else in my gene pool runs like a girl.

Austin Powers in Goldmember
Austin Powers in Goldmember

Goldmember: Dr. Evil, can I paint his yoo-hoo gold? It's kind of my thing, you know.
Dr. Evil: [comes over to Goldmember] How 'bout no, you crazy Dutch bastard?

Austin Powers in Goldmember
Austin Powers in Goldmember

Dr. Evil: Are those sharks with laser beams attached to their heads?
Scott Evil: [nods]
Dr. Evil: Cool! You mean that I actually have frickin' sharks with frickin' laser beams attached to their frickin' heads?

Austin Powers in Goldmember
Austin Powers in Goldmember

Nigel Powers: Easy peasy, lemon-squeasy. What, is this your first day on the job or something? Look, this is how it goes; You try to attack me, one at a time, and I knock you both out with a single punch. Ready? Go!
[Dr. Evil's henchmen do exactly as he predicted]
Nigel Powers: Judo chop. Judo chop.
Dr. Evil: Oh, he's good.


Henchman Sailor: [approaches warily]
Nigel Powers: Do you know who I am?
Henchman Sailor: [nods]
Nigel Powers: Have you got any idea how many anonymous henchmen I've killed over the years?
Henchman Sailor: [nods again]
Nigel Powers: I mean, look at you.

You don't even have a name tag. You've got no chance. Why don't you just fall down?
[henchman falls down]

Austin Powers in Goldmember
Austin Powers in Goldmember

Dr. Evil: Our early attempts at a tractor beam went through several preparations. Preparations A through G were a complete failure. But now, ladies and gentlemen, we finally have a working tractor beam, which we shall call... Preparation H.
[Scott snickers]
Dr. Evil: What?
Scott Evil: Why don't you just call it operation

ass-cream, you ass.
Dr. Evil: I'm sorry, did you say you want some ice cream?
Scott Evil: Yes, I'd love some chocolate ass-cream.
Dr. Evil: Perhaps later.
Number 2: Dr. Evil, I love your plan.
Dr. Evil: You do?
Frau Farbissina: Yah. It's a really good

plan.
Dr. Evil: Yes Frau, on the whole Preparation H feels good.
[Scott resumes snickering]
Dr. Evil: What is it now?
Scott Evil: No, I totally agree with you. Preparation H does feel good... on the hole.

Austin Powers in Goldmember
Austin Powers in Goldmember

Fat Bastard: I've been tryin' to go legit.
Austin Powers: Of course...
Fat Bastard: But when you're an overweight child, in a society that demands perfection, your sense of right and wrong, fair and unfair will always be tragically skewed...
[farts]
Austin Powers: Did you just soil yourself?

Fat Bastard: Maybe.
[laughs]
Fat Bastard: It did sound a little wet, there didn't it? Right at the end! Oooh! Heh heh heh. Let's have a smell, all right? Oh, everyone likes their own brand, don't they? Oh, this is magic! Hmmm, wafting, wafting. Ok, analysis. Ooh, smells like carrots in throw-up! Oh that could gag a maggot! It smells like hot sick ass

in a dead carcass! Even stink would say that stinks! You know when you go into an apartment building and you smell the other people's cooking on each floor and you go "What are they cookin'?" That, plus crap!

Austin Powers in Goldmember
Austin Powers in Goldmember

Austin Powers: Mr. Roboto is lying to us.
Foxxy Cleopatra: Tell me something I don't know.
Austin Powers: I open-mouth kissed a horse once.
Foxxy Cleopatra: Say what?
Austin Powers: That's something you don't know.

Austin Powers in Goldmember
Austin Powers in Goldmember

Mini-Me: [writes] Are you a clone of an angel?
Foxxy Cleopatra: Ohhh how sweet. No, my mini-man, I'm not.
Mini-Me: [writes] Are you sure you don't have a little clone in you?
Foxxy Cleopatra: Yes I'm sure.
Mini-Me: [writes] Would you like to?

Austin Powers in Goldmember
Austin Powers in Goldmember

Nigel Powers: All right Goldmember. Don't play the laughing boy. There's only two things I hate in this world: people who are intolerant of other people's cultures and the Dutch.
Goldmember: What? Take the fahza away! Dutch hater. And now, it is time to say goodbye. Dr. Evil's orders. Which, for you, is Bad News Bears.
[mutters]

Goldmember: Walter Matthau.

Austin Powers in Goldmember
Austin Powers in Goldmember

Fat Bastard: [looking at the toilet] What? I didn't have any corn!

Austin Powers in Goldmember
Austin Powers in Goldmember

[after being struck in the groin by a meteor prop]
Dr. Evil: Alright, let me find my balls, for God's sakes! 1, 2, and 3, okay. I'm okay.

Austin Powers in Goldmember
Austin Powers in Goldmember

Austin Powers: You know, Dr. Evil, I have always thought you were crazy, but now I can see you're nuts.
[speaking to the camera]
Austin Powers: I thank you.