American Wedding Quotes

Steve Stifler: Dickhead. You do not send shit to my office at school.
Jim: Oh, hey, Stifler. Why don't you come in and make yourself comfortable?
Steve Stifler: Your letter made a great impression on Coach Marshall when he read it. Let me just refresh your memory, partner. 'Dear Steve, I will be forever in your debt if you teach me

to dance like you did in the gay bar'.
Jim: I put serious thought into that letter.
Steve Stifler: Don't push me cause I'm close to the edge. I'm trying not to lose my head. Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

Jim: Alright, Stifler. Um, this... this is a little, uh, difficult to explain. Look, you're... you're okay. You're okay. I... I... I mean, uh... I mean, I like you.
Steve Stifler: Yeah, great. You can blow me after practice. I'm working, dude.
Jim: Well, dude.
Steve Stifler: [Jim and Stifler are both on the

tackling sled] Come on. Work it! Hustle!
Jim: See my mom didn't know that there was a misunderstanding.
Steve Stifler: Push it! Move it! Come on!
Jim: You're not invited!
Steve Stifler: Hold!
[Jim and Stifler jump off the sled]
Steve Stifler: Dude, how the hell do you even

think you're getting married? I've been looking out for your sex life since high school.
Jim: You what?
Steve Stifler: Ohhhh! Ohh! The first tits this guy ever saw were because of me. The first girl he ever hooked up with was at my party at my cottage. That girl is the girl he's marrying. The Stif-man showed him the way. Can I get a 'Hallelujah'?

Football Team: Hallelujah, Stifler!
Steve Stifler: But, my fuckers, this mofo right here does not want the Stifmeister, the grand fucking facilitator to attend the wedding. Who sucks donkey dick?
Football Team: [chanting] Jim sucks donkey dick!
Jim: The answer is no. Okay? I'm sorry!
Steve Stifler: I can dance.

Jim: What?
Steve Stifler: I can dance.

Jim's Dad: [1:27:29] Why do you think, uh, Michelle, they call it "making love"?
Michelle: I don't know. I just call it "boning".
Jim's Dad: Boning? Well, when-when you're doing other things with Jim, when you're not... um... boning, how does he make you feel?
Michelle: Horny, like I wanna bone.

Jim's Dad: But-but, we can't be boning from sunrise to sunset, dear.
Michelle: Oh, you've never tried it?
Jim's Dad: I certainly have. I have. I've boned... from sunrise, uh, right through brunch on more than one occasion.

Paul Finch: Stifler's Mom...
Stifler's Mom: You've got to know I'm over you, Finchy.
Paul Finch: Well, as they say, we'll always have Paris.
Stifler's Mom: And the pool table.
Paul Finch: And the car.
Stifler's Mom: And the two-room suite I have upstairs...

Paul Finch: Oh, man. Let's go!